30th September 2015
Today would have been my mother's birthday. Only one person, as usual, has asked if I am okay and that is my youngest daughter.
I went and saw Dr Earl two days ago, I broke done, it has been so long that I have made out to him that everything was fine, to a degree anyway. I am so fed up with life at the moment, I'm fed up with the pain in my legs and feet, I am fed up with being profoundly deaf, I am fed up with the fact that I am slowly losing my sight, in general I am totally and utterly fed up with living, I told Dr Earl all of this and more, I also told him what my missus said about the fact that she really don't want me around here any more. After 33 years of being together and she says that to me.
I have to go, I have even looked up online the best way to commit suicide, crazy? Yep I am, but what the hell, there is one big problem that is stopping me and that is my agoraphobia. It won't last forever so I will just bide my time.