3rd March 2015

Today my stuff came for me to have a shower. A shower board, a leg lifter and a sponge for cleaning my back. I thought I'd have a bath instead of a shower, I haven't had either since November last year, been having strip washes instead. I sat on the board, eased myself forward, lifted myself off the board then bang, I slipped and fell into the bath, water went everywhere, up the wall, across the floor, I was a total prat, I should have listened to my wife, she said for me not to do it, but I am too stubborn to listen to her at times. 

After she cleaned up all the water I carried on with my bath, it was so nice to finally have a damn bath but I was annoyed with myself because of my stupidity. 

Then came the time to get out, big mistake, I was stuck. I moved forward so my wife could put the shower board behind me, no chance.

We let all the water out and I finally got out when my wife got a chair that I could lean on as she sat on it. I managed to turn myself round and lifted my knee which hurt so much, I lifted myself out the bath, I got so annoyed with myself, my emotions took over and I started to cry. 

I wonder at times why I am so damn stubborn and not listen to people, why I can't just accept that my arm and leg are not going to get any better and why can't I just accept the fact that I am totally useless and won't have the same use of my arm and leg ever again.

My life, as it is now, is totally fucked up and now I just have to put up with the fact of being useless until I pop my clogs.