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21st February 2015

Went to hospital yesterday for a check up, it's been a while since my last one. I must have looked a right mess, I hadn't shaved for a week, my hair was greasy, horrible, but, life gets like that for me sometimes, I just can't be bothered to look after myself, that's the depression and the PTSD kicking my butt. The check up itself lasted an hour, Dr Earl was really good, he sat and listened to me and no-one else was there interrupting, which made a real nice change. We talked about what I had been going through, I told him of all the crap that had been going on, the nightmares and flashbacks that have started over again, the bad thoughts of suicide which are getting stronger each day, but I am fighting them and I am determined not to give in to them, reason? I got too many people who'd I'd let down if I did.
I have a lady  coming round on Tuesday from occupational therapy to sort out things to see if I can qualify for a proper shower, I haven't had a bath or shower for four months, I just can't get into the bath, I can't lift my left leg high enough after my stroke. Occupational therapy took away the bath seat I used last November, seemed fine at the time, but hey ho.

I have, at last, sorted out the problems with my eldest daughter. It turns out I was in the wrong it seems, sometimes I just can't seem to listen right, I get uptight and my tinnitus goes sky high and I just don't hear things properly, anyway, I have sorted it out and everything is good. As is the problem with my youngest daughter also, I love them both and it brought me round when my youngest shouted at me, I guess it was what I needed.

It's getting quite late so till next time,