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24th January 2015

Today I had to go for a hospital appointment for a hearing test, it turns out that the nerves are damaged and I only have 50% hearing, all thanks to working at Heathrow airport, air-side with the planes, I was alongside the planes as they came to park on their aprons.
Anyway I have been told tonight by the wife that she don't give a shit about me, we've been together for 32 years this coming April. She also tells me that, once again my PTSD, depression, anxiety, my stroke and my deafness is all put on, she can't get over the fact that I get more money than her, her words, ' you sit on your arse all day' but  she forgets the fact that I pay the rent and council tax out of my disability living allowance, and my employment support allowance, which leaves me just enough money to pay my bills, I don't have a penny for myself.
I sit here in clothes that are fit for the bin,and don't even get a hand to do anything. I cut myself tonight, blood flowed onto the carpet, and all she done was sit there watching television, I said 'anyone decent would offer to help me,' she goes into one on me.
My eldest daughter hasn't spoke to me for over a year now and that's my fault as well, In April she is arranging a holiday in Spain, with my two daughters and two other girls, she never asked if I would mind her doing this, or if I would mind being left alone for a week.  
I might as well give into my feelings again and try to end things while she's away. No-one gives a shit how I feel or how I am, so that's it my so-called family has finally given me that final push. I just have to make my own plans now.