5th November 2014

Remember, remember the 5th of November. Not long till that time of year again, Christmas, the time of year when things are always bad for me, what can go wrong will go wrong.

Today I had to go to the doctors for some test results, firstly my blood pressure was okay, the first time since my stroke two years ago. I damaged my heart six years, when, like an idiot, I took an overdose of 347 tablets. 

Then there was the diabetes test, I am what is known as pre-diabetic, it means I am border line diabetic, no need for tablets or injections just yet, just need to watch my diet, not too much sugar and there's me scoffing a bag of mini eggs as I am writing this, there's always tomorrow.

Now a subject that I feel that is not a necessity, my care worker. I told my GP this morning the final outcome of that complaint I made. That my care worker did not receive any of my emails, my letter or my messages I left on the phone and he also never got any of the messages left by my GP either, strange isn't it? My GP's reaction was very easy to read, I won't say though.

The past couple of weeks has been quite a bad, nightmares and stupid thoughts about suicide by the bucket load, if that's possible, even a couple of flash backs during the day. When is this shit going to leave me alone. My agoraphobia is starting to play up again. I phoned my care worker, which was extremely difficult, the nerves got the better of me as usual and I forgot everything again. He was less than helpful, making me feel so damn useless. He said that I was now on standard care after my CPA review, I told him I haven't had my CPA review yet as I made a mistake with the dates, he didn't know what to say. I told my GP about this and he asked if I wanted to carry on with my care or leave it as it is, I told him there wasn't much I could do and would let him know in a couple of weeks.

Margaret hasn't been too well recently, she has been put on citalapram and she didn't even tell me, it wasn't till I found them left out on the side in the kitchen that I found out, another thing that's my fault.

Recently I have made another forum for someone, hoping that it would be well used, but so far there is about eight members of the forum but no posts from anyone. I will give it another couple of weeks, then I will delete it. I am not happy it took me two full days works to set the bloody thing up and I haven't even had so much as a thank you. it makes me so bloody angry.

TTFN.