5th August 2014

In the past few days I have found out a few things that have disturbed me greatly. How can a person that witnessed what I went through on a daily basis as a kid, tell someone that nothing ever happened? It was someone that I thought that loved me, but obviously didn't with the comments she made. I know for a fact that I was the result of a rape, my father raped my mother. she told me this. But my head is full of confusion and hurt. My mother saw what happened to me every day, yet she's denied all of it to my wife before she died, WHY? She know's it happened, the beatings, she didn't know about the sexual abuse, that happened after she left me alone with that scum bucket. I always thought of my mother as the one person in this world I could trust with my life, with everything I own, I was so wrong.

I saw her running away from my father with him chasing her with a 12 bore shotgun, I took a knife in my side for her when I saw him try to stab her, I helped her get away from him when I caught him in bed with my girlfriend who was only 12 years old, I kept it to myself when she split my head open when she hit me with her shoe, why would she lie? It seems to me everyone in my life has lied to me, no wonder I hate lies so much, no wonder I cannot trust anyone, no wonder I am feeling like the way I do right now. I am beginning to wonder if there is any more lies I am going to find out.

G'night