13th June 2014

It's Friday 13th, mum was so superstitious of things like this, I remember her not walking under ladders either, how I wish she was here. 

I am feeling so low at the moment, the other half is away at my daughters for the weekend, so I am alone with my thoughts, thoughts that I don't want to have, I just wish I could stop them, thoughts of death, thoughts of hatred, thoughts of how I talked my mother into having an operation that killed her, thoughts of turning off her life support, thoughts of the text messages I received calling me a murderer, I wish they would stop, why can't I stop them, I did it before, surely I can do it again, but I don't know how.

Maybe it'll pass