20th March 2014

Went to the doctors yesterday, been signed off for six months, I just hate being off work. I am in my sixth year now out of work, my post traumatic stress is still with me. My depression seems to be mostly under control, I still have my 'low' days and I still get snappy and a bit of a grump.

It's my 57th birthday in ten days, and I have been reflecting on my life. The only time I have actually been happy is since I have been with my wife, children and grandchildren, we've been together for thirty two years on April 1st, what a date for an anniversary, 

Anyway, back to my doctors visit. My feet and legs are still swollen, it's been over a year now, they make walking so difficult at times, the build up of hard skin is impossible to keep up with and the cracks in the soles keep cracking and bleeding. I have been on water tablets, they make me run to the loo a lot. I have recently been given support stockings, (I call them support socks) They are a pain to get on and off, they didn't do anything to help. Now I have to have blood tests, got my first one next week for diabetes, I don't think I have diabetes, I just googled it, yes I have some of the symptoms, but not all and anyway, I am a fat bastard and they say you have to be losing weight significantly, all I seem to do is put it on.

I am getting so stressed out just lately, I feel like chopping my damn legs off, the pain at times is almost unbearable. I woke up yesterday at 5am yesterday because of the pain, I was in pain all day. 

Another thing that seems to be happening lately is my short term memory is crap, I have actually wrote an email to the Alzheimer's association, I keep meaning to talk to my doctor about it, but guess what? I keep forgetting to do so.

Wow I have actually written a normal post today, something must be wrong with me.